Cowboy Stuff

Working Out

Jake, Sandy Frank and Dana are doing pilates exercises (badly) along with the TV.

Sandy Frank: I think the best way of going about this is to make sure you've got all of your bases covered, then tell them to go fuck themselves.

Dana: Yeah, I guess, but I want to be able to use them as a reference, you know?

Sandy Frank: Didn't you hear about that new law that says you can't say anything bad about a former employee?

Jake: That doesn't make any sense. What's the point of references if you can only say good things?

Sandy Frank: Take it up with your congressman, man.

Dana: I've only been there for like 6 weeks, though, do you think it's bad that I want to quit, or should I stick it out?

Jake: You should get out of there as soon as you can before you're stuck working there forever.

Sandy Frank: I don't know, maybe it's because I was raised in a good Catholic family, but my parents always taught me that if I didn't like my job, I oughta learn to like it because if God wanted our lives to be easy, well, then we wouldn't have to work at all.

Jake: That's so stupid!

Sandy Frank: Excuse me?

Jake: Listen to what you're saying. You believe what you want, but idly believing in a God that wants our lives to be difficult is a little farfetched. It kind of proves…

Sandy Frank: Proves what, that you can't listen, that's what it proves. Life isn't supposed to be easy because we're supposed to prove whether we're good enough to go to heaven.

Jake: I'd just as soon live my life without worrying about that stuff.

Dana: But that's just it, life is shitty and God knows it. How are we supposed to live our lives knowing that God has set us up to fail?

Jake: If you don't like it, you don't have to believe it.

Dana: Yeah, but…

Sandy Frank: Don't listen to him. You're looking at it all wrong. God didn't set us up to fail, he just made things more challenging. Not just anyone deserves eternal bliss. Think about those assholes in your history class, do you want to hear them playing their fucking rap music while you're trying to sup at the table of the Lord?

Jake: If there's rap music in heaven, why do you still have to listen to that God-forsaken pipe organ every week in church?

Sandy Frank: Because the fucking pipe organ is the holiest instrument and God hates rap music. If you would just listen, that's what I've been trying to tell you all along.

Dana: Who cares which instrument is holiest?

Jake: I always thought it was the bagpipes.

Sandy Frank: Shut the fuck up, Jake.