Here are the rough notes and scenes that I've devised for the beginning of my video:
The Bathtub Cowboy
In a small bathroom, a cowboy, The Smithville Kid, sits (clothed) in the full bathtub smoking a cigar. He listens to NPR on a small clock radio.
Smithville: Gaza. Gaza, Gaza, Gaza. (speech)
I enter with Cragen necklace and sit down.
Smithville: Don't worry, this is art.
Me: If you say so. Do you mind?
Smithville: Not at all.
Smithville passes me the soap. I start rubbing it on my hands and neck.
Me: I think you should come with me to Connecticut.
Smithville: Why?
Me: There's somebody I need to talk to.
Smithville: Then...
Me: I know, but you should come. You know...
Smithville: Yeah?
Me: Yeah... well, I... can I ask you something?
Smithville nods.
Me: It's not like, I'm afraid exactly, well, I mean... I am, but... I guess it doesn't really count if you don't know why you're afraid. I'm going to McDonald's, do you want me to pick you up a Big Mac?
Smithville: You wanted to ask me about a burger?
Me: Sorry, I … got distracted... I guess I wanted to ask you for your advise.
Smithville: That's all?
Me: Forget it … Do you want that Big Mac or what?
The Gunfighter in the Bathtub
Dana M. Osburn
Characters:
Eddie Fowler – A young woman.
William Stranger – Formerly a notorious bounty hunter.
Job Hahner – A good man.
Sandy Frank – A friend.
Gar Woleridge – A black-hat lackey.
Assorted marshals, outlaws, prospectors and saloon folk.
God – A murder victim.
1 – Ext. - The West
Stranger enters with a gun in his bloody hands. He walks steadily forward with an unwavering gaze. In the center of town, a silent crowd has gathered and watches as he passes. A man in a black hat with a sheriff's badge leans on the post of the porch of the general store.
2 – Ext. - The Highway
Eddie drives.
Stranger (VO): I tell ya, ain't nothin's less romantic 'an a prairie moon. That cold'll drive a hole through you faster'n harder'n any rifle or revolver you ever seen.
3 – Eddie, Job, Sandy Frank
Stranger (VO): Maybe you got a horse or a dog or something, or maybe you got a fire or a mexican blanket, but you just can't quit your teeth from chatterin'. And every damned cactus praises God like a widow or a preacher's wife.
4 – Int. - Bathroom
Stranger sits in a bathtub fully dressed. Eddie sits on a seat next to him.
Stranger: You run your whole life, but that cold prairie moon's always gonna find you.
Eddie: Yeah … but there's got to be some kind of respect somewhere. You know? God, or the universe, or something … something created us, something has to love us.
Stranger: Love's got nothing to do with it.
5 – Int. - Living Room
On the couch, Eddie sits with her head on Job's shoulder and Job's arm wraps around her as they watch “So I Married an Axe Murderer” on the tv.
Eddie: Oh, man, that guy looks just like the cashier at ShopRight today.
Job: Weird.
Eddie: No, really. Do you think it's the same guy?
Job: Phil Hartman? I highly doubt it.
Eddie: How do you figure, genius?
Job: Because Phil Hartman was killed in 1998 by his crazy wife.
Eddie: Oh …
Sandy Frank enters looking like an Alaskan fresh from a snowstorm.
Eddie: Where were you?
Sandy Frank: I had to get bread and milk.
Eddie: Why?
Sandy Frank: Because it's snowing.
Eddie: What?
Sandy Frank: What do you mean, what? When it snows, you've gotta hurry up and buy bread and milk.
Eddie: What do bread and milk have to do with snow?
Sandy Frank: Oh, my God! You seriously don't know?
Job: Uh …
Sandy Frank: See, I told you. In Schuylkill County, our parents raise us to think ahead.
Eddie: Uh... I was there, too?
Sandy Frank: Yeah, but you didn't embrace the Skook. My parents and I, we understand how really great it is.
Job: But why do you buy bread and milk every time it snows? Is it Pavlovian or something?
Sandy Frank: Did you ever think that you might get snowed in?
Eddie: This is ridiculous.
Sandy Frank: Go ahead and laugh, because if we get stuck here, you can forget about sharing my milk.
6 – Exterior – The West
Stranger sits at a camp looking up at the stars. A man, called Gar Woleridge, wearing a black hat enters.
Stranger: They're dead, then.
Gar nods.
Stranger: Bastards. (He throws a handful of dollar bills and a crumpled wanted poster with the faces crossed out in red onto the ground.) “Wanted alive” … some good.
Gar: (laughing) Not enough money for you, Bill?
Stranger: Dammit!
Gar: Now, now, we know this ain't the first commission you'd ever took, and it won't be your last, right? Now, you go on'n forget about them women an' children just like all them other times, an' you gonna be just fine.
(black)
Stranger (VO): I had to kill that prairie moon.
7 – nowhere
Stranger: but first I had to find it.
8 – Living Room
Eddie: So, Phil Hartman's really dead? You're not pulling one over on me?
Job: Yeah, he's dead. Why do you think The Simpsons dropped their Troy McClure character?
Eddie: Wow … I wonder if God watched The Simpsons?
Job: Again, doubtful.
Eddie: Oh, right … so you really don't think anything happens to us after we die? There's no heaven?
Job: (improvised, honest answers)
Eddie: I think you're wrong. Maybe.
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